Friday, February 25, 2011

Le Yawn

A Short List of Things that Completely Bore Me

1. Incessant talk about your children. Really? I mean, you have nothing else going on in your life? Yes, I get it, a child has sprung forth from your loins. Do we have to keep talking about it? I'm sure you love your kids, but the world really does keep going around even when they're asleep.

2. Planning your life around a television show. I can't begin to explain the kind of rage/sadness/boredom that courses through my body when someone tells me that they can't go somewhere they want to go because there's a television show they NEED to watch. Unless that television show is going to tell me how to reunite The Smiths or pick winning lottery numbers, I'm pretty positive I could miss it. Besides, I'm sure you can catch next week's Jersey Shore for another load of homoeroticism from "The Situation."

3. Rachel Ray. I was going to say Kelly Ripa, but I feel as though Rachel Ray has got to be one of the most boring people I've ever come across...and yet, she has somehow managed to gain fame. If she were a color, she'd be ecru. ECRU!

4. Racism. I'm really tired of the notion that people are still judging others based upon their racial heritage. Historically, racism was fueled by fear of the unknown, but now we have the Internet...a device/medium that allows us to completely fill our minds with people, places, things, and perversions from all across the great big world. The unknown is known, so stop boring me with your archaic bullshit about people that look different from you.

5. Telling me about musicians, "Selling Out." I don't care if you knew the members of KISS when they were still breastfeeding, I'm not impressed by the notion that you're more than a fairweather fan. Most musicians/bands would be lying if they said that they didn't want to be rich and famous, so why does your opinion of their Sold-Out-Status matter? If the White Stripes had never released, "Seven Nation Army," I probably would have never heard of them, but because I started there, that some how makes my fandom less relevant? Fuck off.

6. Ed Hardy. Without even delving into the cultural significance of the ilk of individual that partakes in Christian Audigier's crapola, we really must address the obvious: that shit is ugly.
It doesn't even come close to having an alibi.

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  1. You forgot status symbolism. You know what owning a Bentley or Lamborghini says to me? That you're an uninspired tool that has too much money and an ugly ass car that cost 20 times as much as mine. And guess what? They do the exact same thing. If you're looking to impress me, it isn't going to be by the idiotic ways you can throw your money away.

  2. I kind of feel sorry for Ed Hardy. He was a revered tattoo artist, and now his work is plastered all over douchebags, and I'm not talking about his "flash" or "ink".