Saturday, May 14, 2011

Reckless Rock n' Roll Abandon

I always listen to music in the car, unless I'm listening to NPR or I've turned down the radio to yell at the automated toll machine because it didn't count my change correctly and all I have left is pennies because I forgot that I had to go through the toll and there are forty cars behind me that are chomping at the bit to get home to their dockers and their deck shoes.

Lately, I've been listening to the radio because something is wrong with my iPod and I haven't had a chance to take it to the geniuses or whatever they call those hipster assholes that work at the Apple store (See? I'm an equal opportunity asshole). Subaru was nice enough to put a radio control right in my steering wheel and I probably use this handy feature about three thousand times a day. Radio is utter crap. UTTER CRAP. That is, though, another post for another time. Anyway, I was tuning from one station to the other, when I was confronted with a song that makes me lose complete control.

When I say that, I should clarify. I like a lot of songs. In fact, I once started a list of my favorite songs and I think I got bored with it at like #150 or something. I sing a long to a lot of songs, even the ones I hate (I mean, I don't really LIKE Firehouse's "Love of a Lifetime," but I'm compelled to sing along, because at least it's not fucking Bruno Mars), but some songs, upon hitting my ears, make my body go into complete party-mode. When I happened upon this song today, I had no idea it was in this list.

Sweet's "Ballroom Blitz"

I almost wrecked the car today trying to completely rock-out to my fullest potential. After the song was over, I found that I must add it to the ever-growing list of songs that completely paralyze my ability to show any kind of driving decorum. They include,

Run To The Hills by Iron Maiden
Shotgun by Jr. Walker and the All-Stars
Play that Funky Music by Wild Cherry (the best, and only, thing to come out of Mingo Junction, Ohio)
You Dropped a Bomb on Me by The Gap Band (everyone tries to act like they're too cool to even like this song ironically, but I'm not ashamed to admit that this song is one of the most fun songs ever made)

Trick Me (E-Smoove House Remix) by Kelis (This is one that probably not many people outside of the gay community have heard and you owe it a listen. It's completely intoxicating).

E-Pro by Beck
Everyday is Halloween by Ministry
The Lebanon by The Human League
Black Sweat by Prince
Everybody Got Their Something by Nikka Costa (whatever happened to her? I mean Kesha is still on the radio and we haven't heard from this woman in a big way in forever!)
Faster Kill Pussycat by Paul Oakenfold, featuring Brittany Murphy (this song is probably completely auto-tuned, but I can't help but really enjoy how catchy it is and feel kind of sorry for the wreck that was Brittany Murphy)
A Little Less Conversation by Elvis vs. JXL  
Groove is in the Heart by Dee-Lite (you're a completely rotten and souless human being if you don't at least tap a toe to this one)

Those are just the songs that I can recall from the front of my memory, but I'm sure when I'm riding in the car and I'm suddenly thrust into a serious club dance move (that I'll execute like the finest white lady driving a station wagon that you've ever seen IN YOUR LIFE), I'll have a few more to add to the list.
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Friday, May 13, 2011

Bollywood Du Jour

via Wikipedia:

Saajan (Hindi: साजन, Urdu: ساجن) is an Indian Hindi film directed by Lawrence D'Souza. The film stars Sanjay Dutt, Madhuri Dixit and Salman Khan in leading roles. It was released on 30 August, 1991.

Aman (Sanjay Dutt) is a poor orphan who is befriended by wealthy Akash Verma (Salman Khan) during his childhood. Akash's parents adopt Aman and give him their family name, so Akash and Aman grow up as brothers. While Akash is a womanizer, Aman takes to writing poems under the pen name Sagar. The poems get published, and Aman becomes very popular. One of his fans is a young woman by the name of Pooja Saxena (Madhuri Dixit), who corresponds with Sagar. Akash meets Pooja and falls head over heels in love with her. When Aman comes to know this, he asks Akash to pose as Sagar, which he does, then Pooja and Akash fall in love with each other. A heartbroken Aman looks on, as he knows that although women may like his poetry, they will never come out openly and love him when they see his handicap. Akash discovers that Aman loves Pooja and that he is actually Sagar, through a string of events triggered by a Pankaj Udhas show. Akash confronts Aman with this and Aman submits that he loves Pooja. Pooja witnesses this encounter and becomes upset with both Akash and Aman. Akash convinces Pooja and she eventually ends up accepting Aman.

The best part of this film, aside from Sanjay Dutt, are the fantastic early 90's wardrobes adopted by the entire cast. Although I enjoy more traditional dress in most Bollywood films, this is part sweet 90's retrospectacle that makes me wonder how they managed to wear all of those layers of giant hair and clothing in the seven hundred degree Indian heat.
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...And the Rest Will Follow

I had made a decision, previously, to answer the, "Fifty Questions that will free your mind," answered three and then forgot all about it.

4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
     Probably. I feel that a lot of the time human beings are constantly weaving a web of could'ves, would'ves and should'ves while they waste their lives pushing around money from one wallet to the next. It's a world that they've created for themselves and they've no one but themselves to blame. Dustin and I often speak of the ability to completely leave the binds of modern society, but really there's no conceivable way. I enjoy running water and shampoo...a lot. It is my fondest wish that I find a way to strike the balance and live a life that makes me feel proud and useful.

5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
     That's easy. I would completely eradicate material wealth and paper currency and return the world to a complete barter system for goods and services. Why? Because people would have to be completely reliant upon their own talent and work ethic. Instead of 80% of graduating high school students hiding out in college for four years to eventually be given a job by their rich uncle's business associate, they'll enter an apprenticeship program and learn a trade that will enable them to contribute to a society that does more than sit on their ass and hold up the walls of a cubicle.

6.  If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
     Man, I wish I knew. I feel like I've spent my whole life trying to figure out the answer to this question. When I was six or seven, my grandmother, Beverly, gave me a scrapbook that chronicled every year of my schooling. It included a place to put your photograph, a pocket for special keepsakes and a list of questions that repeated every year. One of the questions was the basic, "What do you want to be when you grow up." When I was much older and I read the things that I had written through the years, I saw that every year I changed my career: a doctor, a ballerina (this is especially amusing), a writer, a United Nations delegate. All of these things sounded just swell at the time, but where really nothing more than a passing whim. Even now, the list of things that could possibly be my life's work is much longer than it probably should be...even though now this list is wrought with practicality.
     I went to yet another job interview and right in the middle of it, I had a realization that I actually shared with my potential employer. There are so many people that spend their lives doing something just to make money to pay for things. They spend the better part of their lives doing things that they don't especially like in order to pay for the things that they like in the lesser part of their lives. If everyone just liked what they did from the start, they wouldn't need to count down the days until their next vacation or save up their money to put in an in-ground swimming pool for their ritalin addicted children that have a better relationship with the people that run their $800 per month daycare than their own parents. Well, luckily I didn't say all of that, just the good bits about loving what you do. Also, right in the middle of the interview, I came to the realization that if it takes me longer to find what I'm to do with my life...then that's alright, too. Why am I applying a clock to my life? It's society that puts time limits on the milestones in our lives, not our biology (except for of course the time limit to bear children, but that's not even close to what I'm talking about). Even if I don't get this position, what I've gained from that time really cannot be measured by a salary.
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Bee Eff Effs

I really love Dustin, and this email is one of the many reasons why:

When you can get an email like this and all the communication you really need is two words and a glorious photo, you know you've reached that pivotal moment in your relationship where, "we have so much in common, we both love soup and snow peas, we love the outdoors, and talking and not talking. We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about."

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Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Operation Grandma Garden: Part One

When I went to look at annuals at the nursery a few weeks ago, I asked the lady when the magic day was where I could be planting warmer weather annuals. She said that the magic day was May 10th, and you bet that I was bright-eyed at the nursery today, despite my ailments.

I was shocked to see how many people were there are a weekday evening, considering how many weekend-warriors usually wait until Saturday morning to trot to Lowe's or Home Depot to buy whatever plants they saw their neighbors in the cul-de-(ball)sac planting. I was particularly tickled by the lady in the Lexus SUV and the baseball cap with her awesome adidas capris...whose credit card was declined. Yesss!

Anyway, I've posted previously about my intentions to plant a retro container garden. I don't know I'm so insanely interested in this style of gardening. I guess in a modern society where every yard is preciously planned by a landscaper and there are wispy ornamental grasses as far as the eye can see, I'm just ready for a throw-back to a time when Moms and Grandmas stayed home and watered their own fucking plants. They didn't have flowers because everyone else did, or because they would make the patio look so homey when they have their entire accounting department over for a cocktail party...they had flowers because they sincerely wanted to make a beautiful place to be for their families and for themselves. With that being said, I want something sincere, but kinda sloppy, I guess. I picked up some Coleus and Zinnias today, as well as a really lovely hanging basket with petunias and snapdragons. I was a little apprehensive about buying a pre-planted hanging basket, but when I added up about how many plants were in the basket, the basket and the time that it would take to plant the basket, it was easily worth the price. It also featured a really great color palette. Everything pairs really well with the pansies that I've had for the last three weeks or so. When everything fills out, I'm sure it will be colorful and wacky. I'm hoping that some of the steps I've taken to really nuture the plants this year will not go unrewarded. Not only did I buy some really gaudy and fancy-ass glass "mulch," but I also added water-absorbing fertilizer crystals to all of the pots. Supposedly, this is going to make a big difference in the plants' growth, but only time will tell. I'm just really jazzed, at this point, at how insanely gaudy and grandma-y it all looks so far. The addition of not only a rainbow pinwheel, but also a plastic pink flamingo add that bit of charm that are usually reserved for year-round RV Parks and Floridian trailer parks. Not to MENTION that really awesome slutty Miss Piggy statue that I talked about before. She's all of her lascivious glory.

Over the next few weeks, I'm hoping to add more partial-sun retro plants to this fledgling garden. This year, though, I'm making sure to wear my Gram bracelet when I plant. I need all of the green-thumb mojo I can get.

I know that if Betty were alive to see this garden, she'd probably ask me why I didn't choose a bigger variety of plants, and then she'd probably tell me that she doesn't like Zinnias. Ha! Happy Mother's Day, Gram.
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Ask, and I'll Receive

So my good friend Vanessa was nice enough to add Dustin to that Alka-Seltzer add from yesterday.

What else is there to say?
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Monday, May 9, 2011

Alka-Seltzer Time

I'm not the best sick person ever. When I have a cold, there are at least few hours where I'm utterly useless and unable to do anything but moan incoherently like a mental patient. I've been hanging out with a cold since yesterday...on what has probably been the nicest day of the year so far. Just fantastic. I stared out the screen door longingly from my spot on the couch with my only consolation being Lister, Rimmer, Cat and the rest of the cast of "Red Dwarf." There's something about Sci-Fi comedies that really bring me out of my maladies.

That, and Alka-Seltzer.

I haven't taken Alka Seltzer much in the past, because it was (and probably is) bad for people with asthma. My mother didn't want to take any chances, so I never took it as a child. Now that I'm an adult that has tried every over-the-counter cold/sinus/cough medicine, I'm willing to throw caution to the wind and try things that might harm me. I'm so glad I did. This magical medicine has really brought me out of a crappy cold and made me a functional human being again, albeit with a stuffy nose and a general fatigue. Instead of being a blithering whine-pot, I'm actually able to lift myself off of the couch and get my own damn soup (that is, after my parents brought it over and my mother put it in a bowl).

Alka-Seltzer also has a bevy are really awesome vintage ads and advertising icons, including a little character named Speedy who wears a tablet for a hat, heh. Who doesn't love that?

I also found this really amazing Alka-Seltzer Christmas ad via It's as if everything that I love in my life at this moment in time has been put into one advertisement. Except Dustin. Maybe I could superimpose him here. Maybe my friend Laura/Vanessa can help me out with that.

There's also a jingle. OMG! I think after viewing this, I may have made a miraculous recovery. What a relief it is!

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Happy Mother's Day, Linda.

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