Sunday, February 13, 2011

Take a Gamble. It's only celebrities.

I love chatting about celebrity deaths. Why do they always happen in threes? Why do we pretend like a celebrity has had such a great and meaningful career when they're dead/dying (ahem Patrick Swayze and Christopher Reeve)? How does Abe Vigoda manage to stay alive?  With these kinds of questions, I took to the interwebs and was able to make a bet on celebrity death.

I am the worst gambler in the world. Why in the hell would anyone spend money on gambling? Why would you put money in a slot machine when there's a 1% chance you're going to get even a fraction of what you spent? Why doesn't everyone just give me their money and I'll probably not give it back?  Gambling is the equivalent of throwing all of your money down the toilet and flushing. Maybe it all won't go down on the first pull...but chances the second, it definitely will.

Rotten Dead Pool, though, has provided the only gamble I'm willing to take: the one that involves dead celebrities. So, you have a year from the date that you make your picks to have all ten of your celebrities die. Not that you win anything but the notoriety of being a celeb death-predicter, but even that is worthy of a fancy nametag or maybe a custom business card.

My Picks

1Licia Albanese SingerOperatic soprano, La Bohème22-Jul-1913TBD12-Feb-2011
2Beverly Cleary AuthorChildren's author, Ramona Quimby series12-Apr-1916TBD12-Feb-2011
3Pierre Cardin Fashion DesignerInventor of the "bubble dress"06-Jul-1922TBD12-Feb-2011
4Zsa Zsa Gabor ActorCop-slapping Gabor sister06-Feb-1917TBD12-Feb-2011
5Joe Jackson RelativePatriarch of the Jackson family26-Jul-1929TBD12-Feb-2011
6Tommy Lasorda BaseballSlim-Fast shill22-Sep-1927TBD12-Feb-2011
7Lindsay Lohan ActorMean Girls02-Jul-1986TBD12-Feb-2011
8Andy Rooney Journalist60 Minutes' resident crank14-Jan-1919TBD12-Feb-2011
9Elizabeth Taylor ActorCleopatra27-Feb-1932TBD12-Feb-2011
10Slim Whitman Country MusicianWestern singer, balladeer and yodeler20-Jan-1924TBD12-Feb-2011

There's no real science in this for me. I chose a series of old celebrities that I'd actually heard of, and then one wild card. As you can see, my wild card is Lindsay Lohn, but really with the life that she's been leading, it's hard to really even call it that.

I found it rather amusing that in the list of the most picked celebrities, Courtney Love was among Billy Graham, Kirk Douglas, and Fidel Castro (some really moldy oldies) with over 5,000 picks. Does everyone know something about her that I don't know? I mean, being an unattractive hanger-on isn't fatal, is it?

 Lord Have Mercy. To Quote Pee Wee Herman, "I've seen better heads on boils."

Like the sick weirdo I am, I will be waiting with baited breath to see if my predictions come true. I'm thinking that if I will, my business card will have a cat Grim Reaper. That'd be pretty sweet.
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  1. I think Courtney Love as a pick is just wishful thinking on the part of many.

  2. I thought most of these people were already dead. I'd rather make a list of people I WANT to die. Shania Twain would be at the top of that one. Why? I don't really know, nor do I care. It just makes sense to me.