Thursday, May 26, 2011

A Trendy Rant

The candle shoppe released a collage about current trends that are selling in the retail community. Words like, "heritage," "nostalgia," and "vintage," littered the pages along with a huge, "authenticity," a lovely, "value," and a fancy "quality." Etsy-esque palettes of grays and muted nature-inspired tones are the colors that pair seamlessly with angry toads, Audubon birds and lots and LOTS of foliage that manages to edge both indie and whimsy simultaneously.

What was the turquoise jewelry and befringed purses of the boho revolution of three years ago, is now the delicate floral prints and artisan headbands of today.

If the currently decorating styles had a poster-child, it would be Tim Holtz. The man that has managed to build quite a following from tea-dying ephemera and knowing exactly where to place steampunk chipboard juxtaposed to sassy-looking rabbits.

It's all well and good that there are hoards of women running into Anthropologie and Restoration Hardware to buy overpriced distressed merchandise that looks like they've rescued and revitalized it themselves (as if! They don't have time to ACTUALLY  do that, they're really busy working seven hundred hours a week to pay for the daycare that could be eliminated if they would stay the fuck home, stop buying shit from Restoration Hardware and watch their own goddamned monster-children). I fail to see the "authenticity," in these actions. People always want "quality," items that cost next to nothing that can be further reduced with a coupon. They want their entire lives to be an episode of extreme couponing (fuck that show), but out of the opposite side of their mouth they want products made in America by companies that use environmentally sound production methods and pay their employees a living wage. Mmmmkay.

Like Richard Nixon's head quipped on an episode of Futurama, "Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973, but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever."

It's terribly darling that everyone wants their wardrobes and homes to appear as though they're in touch with nature, gentrification (another one of those terms that people loooovve that is really a dressed-up synonym for racism), and public radio, but if it came down to bull-dozing a bird sanctuary (or displacing a bunch of brown people) for another Pottery Barn, this country's citizens would do it in a minute. Where can you buy that lawn furniture that looks as though you rescued it from 1940s Provence (it's a steal at only $300 a chair!)? Think of how envious your family and neighbors will be when you invite them over for fair-trade coffee and buckwheat carob-chip cupcakes with tofu icing (although these days, everyone wants fondant in the shape of toadstools or wacky turtles, right)? I mean, why not? You had a groupon for the local bakery (not that you'd ever go there again, did you see how expensive it was?!).

Why does any of this apply to candles? What if my candles aren't sincere? What if they're not the right shade of tan/gray?

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  1. Can you still be my friend in spite of my Groupon subscription?

  2. So what if you sold the distressed stuff displaced by the gentrified neighborhood?