Today I did something that I'm not proud of (that is, besides ending this sentence in a preposition).
I was in the company bathroom and a woman right beside me had deodorant lines completely marking the sides of her perfectly pressed black skirt, like little wispy roads. No one had told her. I could tell. She went about washing her hands and drying them complacently without a care in the world as to the marring of her suit. This smart suit with black hose, black patent pumps and a crispy white shirt. A bob-do settled atop her middle-aged head with a smartness (again) that comes with many years of hassling with ponytails and long locks. She was just. so. smart.
Too smart.
Just looking at her face filled me with a rage that comes with seeing someone just too smug for their own good. A flood of thoughts raced through my mind in two seconds and deduced themselves into one action: I didn't tell her.
I didn't tell her.
I'm not proud. I should've taken the high road (cliche alert!) and whispered in her ear. I should've gone to her woman-to-woman and told her about her accidental faux pas. I should've "helped a sister out," but I didn't, and I'm sorry for it now.
Why do we, as human beings, look at a person and think that we know everything of their existence within one second? Why are we so mean? Strike that...why was I so mean?
A lazy Sunday afternoon watching a Futurama marathon
comprised of episodes I’ve seen fifty times isn’t exactly the most productive
way to spend a day, BUT there’s no shame in my game, yo.
During the commercials, the trailer for, “Identity Theft,”
appeared before for me for the first time. The basic premise is that a businessman’s
identity (Jason Bateman) is stolen by a harmless-looking woman (Melissa McCarthy
of “Mike and Molly,” fame) and shenanigans and chicanery ensue. Anyone who hasn’t been in a coma for the last
few years knows that, “Mike and Molly,” and thusly Melissa McCarthy have been
the target of ill-placed fame for being a show about “two fatties in love.” In fact, one journalist thought it her place to tell everyone in the world about how
disgusting it was that a show like this would portray fat people being happy
enough with themselves to love someone else.
Anyway, there's a spot in the trailer where the beautifully lithe dancer-looking girlfriend (you know, she doesn't look quite White, Black, Latino, Indian or Asian, but she's "hot," and totally sweet in a messy bun and leggings) compares McCarthy's character to a hobbit and Bateman so sassily quips, "I'm goin' after Bilbo." Et tu, McCarthy and Bateman? Another fat joke? Another wacky comedy at the expense of the fat lady?
I know that Krusty the Clown has made a career out of this kind of thing for Simpsons fans everywhere, but fat jokes are about as hilarious and cutting-edge as the flapping dickie or the The Three Stooges eye poke. Not only are they not funny because I'm fat, they're not funny in spite of the fact that I'm fat.
Fat jokes have become the easiest way to criticize someone's physical appearance without being seen as cruel or shallow. In fact, fat jokes have often been laid on the line as a way to "help," fat people realize that they're in the middle of a medical crisis. A newscaster in Minnesota or Wisconsin or somewhere cold and snowy got made an amazing rebuttal to a "concerned viewer," that thought that she was setting a bad example for her female viewers. It is my hope that women like Jennifer can stay as classy and respectful as she has in her rebuttal instead of lowering herself to the level of the redundant funny fat lady laughing with the bullies. It's no place to be, Melissa McCarthy.
The next time I see a girl wearing high heels, I'll remember to call her a disgusting street-walking prostitute out of concern for her foot health. I mean why not? It's the same thing.
Fat jokes don't hurt just the fat lady, they hurt the fat lady's husband/wife/partner, her children, her family and her friends. Fat jokes will usually get an eye roll from any fat lady that's confident enough in herself to realize how base and stupid they are, but fat jokes will invoke shame from those that aren't strong enough to see through to the heart of their maker.
Do you want to show a fat person some concern? Befriend them. Get to know their story and encourage whatever path to good health they may travel. Give a little love.
"It's so easy to laugh. It's so easy to hate. It takes strength to be gentle and kind."
So Facebook has this thang called the "50 Day song Challenge." Everyday you post a song that has a theme that is pre-designated by Mark Zuckerberg. That last part is a lie, but it's fun to make up lies.
Anyway, there's no reason that this shit needs to take 50 days. I can bang this out in a blog post or two.
I found a list that I liked better on www.musicfrombigpink.wordpress.com, and I stole it, but I didn't steal the songs, I promise.
Day 01 – A song from the first album you ever bought: "All that She Wants," by Ace of Base. This album was unstoppable. Act like you didn't own a copy. G'head. Impossible. Day 02 – Your favorite single anthem: "Take Off To The Great White North," by Geddy Lee. This is not an anthem per se, but it is a beacon of light for the people of Canada. Day 03 – Your favorite title track from an album: "First and Last and Always," by The Sisters of Mercy.
Day 04 – A song by a band or artist you’ve seen live: " Lonesome Train Whistle," by The Reverend Horton Heat. In fact, I just saw them on Thursday night and this song rocked my socks right off, along with their version of Faron Young's single (written by Willie Nelson), "Hello Walls." I'm currently a rock n' roll/rockabilly/psychobilly fanatic. Day 05 – A song from your childhood: "It's You I like," by Mister Rogers. This was going to be my wedding song for the longest time...until I got married without a wedding and became really goth (on the inside. No need to dress like a bat to be goth) and wanted Echo and the Bunnymen's, "Nocturnal Me." ha. Day 06 – A song by your favorite band/artist: "Still Ill," by The Smiths. This was the first Smiths' song that I fully connected with. That I said, "This bloke Morrissey is writing what I'm feeling." Day 07 – A favorite song that was used on a TV series: "The Christmas Song," by The Raveonettes. I hate the OC, but their Christmas albums are fantastic! Day 08 – Your most played song on iTunes: "Bring on the Dancing Horses," by Echo and the Bunnymen. *le sigh* it is so beautiful. Day 09 – Favorite new release: "Lights," by Ellie Goulding. At least, I think that that's her name. This song makes me want to dance my pants off.
Day 10 – An awesome driving song: "Breakin' the Law," by Judas Priest. I don't really have to explain why this is the best song to drive to, ever. Day 11 – A song that’s amazing live: I think that the only version of Bob Seger's, "Turn the Page," that anyone has ever heard is the live version. Is there a regular version? Does anyone care? A close second is, "Death of a Disco Dancer," by The Smiths. That is, at least when I saw Morrissey sing it in 2009. *swoon* Day 12 – A song that makes you laugh: "I'm just a Gigolo," by David Lee Roth. Mister Dustin and I have a very secret reason for liking this one, that still makes me lol, officially, when I hear this song. Day 13 – A song with incredible lyrics: "The Devil's Crayon," by Wild Beasts.
This truly is the devil's answer Carved from the tongue of this romancer This truly is the devil's answer The oldest children used to kiss
And we are so many clambering hands And we are so many clambering hands
Day 14 – A song off an album that has brilliant cover art: "Run to the Hills," by Iron Maiden's album The Number of the Beast. Which is probably one of the greatest Metal songs that has ever been crafted, with one of the most iconic metal characters that has ever been crafter. Bruce Dickinson is my favorite super hero. Day 15 –Your favorite TV theme tune Your favorite song from a movie soundtrack: "Danger Zone," by Kenny Loggins...as featured in the soundtrack for Top Gun. Yessssss... A close second was every song on the Hot Rod Soundtrack, which is basically Europe's, "The Final Countdown." Day 16 – A song that reminds you of a holiday: "Round and Round," by Ratt. This is probably my favorite holiday song because it was featured in the credits of "The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy's" Christmas Special. Day 17 – A song that makes you think of a family member: "Let Your Love Flow," By The Bellamy Brothers. We used the lyrics to this one on the remembrance cards at my Grandmother's Memorial Service. It was kind of her take on life. The contentment of the life that you've been dealt.
Just let your love flow like a mountain stream And let your love grow with the smallest of dreams And let your love show and you'll know what I mean It's the season
And let your love fly like a bird on the wing And let your love bind you to all living things And let your love shine and you'll know what I mean That's the reason
Day 18 – A song you never get sick of hearing Your favorite piece of classical music: Is this considered classical music? "Rhapsody in Blue," reminds me of a Special Lady and a special family and will be a classic for me for the rest of my life.
Day 19 – A guilty pleasure: "He Loves You Not," By Dream. Don't you judge me. I already hate myself. Day 20 – A song you can’t help but sing along to: Although the aforementioned song is pretty irresistible Every time that I hear Sweet's, "Ballroom Blitz," I tend to scream at the top of my lungs. you can't help but not. Day 21 – A song that reminds you of a close friend: "Summer Girls," By LFO. This is a shout-out to my good friend Vanessa. Day 22 –A song you play when you want to relaxYour favorite sad bastard song: "Fairytale of New York," by The Pogues. Dear lord, the tears just roll down my face when this one comes one. Day 23 – A song you play before a night out: When I was an young buck (was I a buck, no I suppose I was a young doe. Is that a term?) that went out on Saturday nights, I couldn't really afford to go, so we would heavily pre-game the evening and then drive as fast as we could to the bar at 11pm. The song that often played on the car radio? "Hey Mama," by The Black-Eyed Peas. I apologize for nothing! Day 24 – A song from a band/artist you’ve just ‘discovered’ A song from a band that no one's ever heard of: "Gay Bar," By The Electric Six. Alright, maybe five people have heard of it, but it's a thrill-ride of non-stop awesomeness. Day 25 – A song off of the last album you bought/ last track you downloaded: "Romance," by Wild Flag. That might not be the last album that I bought, but that song rules pretty darn hard and last year's Wild Flag album made the top of a lot of critics' lists last year. Day 26 – A song no one would expect you to love: "Ballroom Blitz," by Sweet. Normally, I'm not the biggest fan of Glam and Butt Rock, but this song is so insanely dancy that I want to FREAK OUT! I've referenced it in a previous post about songs that I dance to whilst driving. Day 27 – A song you would sing at a karaoke bar: A song that I HAVE sung at a karaoke bar is, "Milkshake," by Kelis. More than once, actually.
Day 28 - A song you love for its lyrics: I didn't realize that this song was XTC until Mister Dustin pointed it out to me. XTC has never really gotten the credit that they deserve for excellent song writing and excellent music. There are a lot of songs with lyrics that I can relate or connect to, but this one is just so poignant.
Dear God
Hope You get the letter
And I pray You can make it better
Down here
I don't mean a big reduction in the price of beer
But all the people that You made in your image
See them starving on their feet
'Cause they don't get enough to eat
From God
I can't believe in You
Dear God
Sorry to disturb
You but I feel that I should be heard
Loud and clear
We all need a big reduction in amount of tears
And all the people that You made in Your image
See them fighting in the street
'Cause they can't make opinions meet
About God
I can't believe in You
Did You make disease and the diamond blue?
Did You make mankind after we made You?
And the devil too?
Dear God
Don't know if you noticed
But Your name is on a lot of quotes in
This book
Us crazy humans wrote it, You should take a look
And all the people that You made in your image
Still believing that junk is true
Well I know it ain't, and so do You
Dear God
I can't believe in...
I don't believe...
I won't believe in heaven and hell
No saints, no sinners, no devil as well
No pearly gates, no thorny crown
You're always letting us humans down
The wars You bring, the babes You drown
Those lost at sea and never found
And it's the same the whole world 'round
The hurt I see helps to compound
That Father, Son and Holy Ghost
Is just somebody's unholy hoax
And if You're up there You'll perceive
That my heart's here upon my sleeve
If there's one thing I don't believe in
It's you
Dear God
That's a place to finish it up. There's nothing more to say.
Today is, "National Metal Day," according to VH1 classic. This has been celebrated by a countdown list that goes on for ten hours. TEN HOURS of a show being hosted by Fozzy (they're awful. Just awful. Don't believe me? You asked for it. Go ahead and watch that video) frontman and "Professional Wrestler," Chris Jericho. Feh.
When douchebag is finally coined by Merriam-Webster, there's going to be a picture of this asshole right next to Christian Audigier (to bring you up to speed, it's the guy that "designs," Ed Hardy clothing).
Anywho, much like every other list that VH1 classic cobbles together, I can't really manage to express via the written word how disappointed I am that this is the best that fans could come up with. Clearly if the electoral college needed to be established to tell voters who they wanted to for president, then clearly there should be some gate-keeping to keep people from themselves. In fact, I haven't even looked at the entire list until now, in hopes that I can express my initial discontent for two readers that might be interested in this (my husband being one of them).
I have a hard time understand what VH1 was classifying as, "Hard Rock." Is it because a guitar is involved? Is it because there would be a slightly chance that you'd bang your head? Clearly, some criterion must've been reached, and then the voters took a dump on them. I don't think that the complete list is out yet, but I did find one from 2009 that really grinds my gears.
Aside from yelling at the television (thanks Gram, I really needed to pick up that trait from you), I've also amassing things for my smash book.
Like a lot of the pen-palling paper-crazed crafters out there, I purchased a smash book, but unlike a lot of paper-crazed, pen-pallers out there, I seem to have no idea as to how to get started. Right now, I have a bunch of cards, postcards, letters, ticket stubs, fortunes, name cards, buttons that are sitting between the blank pages of this book, waiting to be inspiring for me, but I just can't seem to figure out how to put it all together. Being drawn in by all of the accessories and the doo-dads that go along with it is an easy slippery slope, but so far, I've just purchased the book and a few tags. There are entire sites dedicated to how to create a Smash book that emulates your personality or to show-off how amazing adorable some people are at smashing their lives into the pages of a book, but so far I suppose my smash book is a lot like my life, half-finished and bursting at the seams with all of the things that I wished I would've said and done to make everything pretty and witty and light.
My favorite line in Louisa May Alcott's, Little Women says, "I should've been a great many things, Mister Mayor."
It's already November 9th and I'm just putting up my Christmas decorations. My husband hates it, but in order to fully enjoy Christmas decorations, they have to be up at least two months. I didn't make the rule it just is what it is. As I say this, we are watching a documentary called, "This is Black Metal," and Celtic Frost is currently covered in blood and dirt and singing about metal-y things like flesh and guts. This marriage is about give and take. Black Metal and Christmas. Or Black Metal Christmas. If you've never heard King Diamond's, "No Presents for Christmas," you must run to the interwebs and download it this very instant.
For anyone that doesn't know me, I love to collect post-modern Christmas decorations. Basically the ugly, ugly plastic decorations that are most likely full of lead and pain that causes seizures and erectile dysfunction (although that second one hasn't really plagued me). Pairing these ugly items with the basic ugly items that litter my apartment throughout the rest of the year is probably one of my favorite activities. If you can believe it, the Infant of Prague stays and the creepy head looms all the live-long day.
Sharing my collection with six people on the internet is fun for sure, but much like my currently watching this back metal documentary, interspersing Dustin's interests with mine makes for a fun life together. Bottle brush trees and tiny robots go together swimmingly, anyway.
No holiday is complete with embarrassing your family whilst showcasing your super sweet plastic Christmas shovel .My parents really enjoyed when I forced them to wear someone else's clothes and pose for a picture in Gettysburg. ESPECIALLY my father. He wouldn't even wear rental bowling shoes when we were going bowling one time for my birthday. Admittedly, this is more about my perverse pleasure it distressing my father than it is about my Christmas shovel. Moving on...
This year I bought a champagne (it's pronounced cham-pag-in) glittery tree and covered it with totally twee bows. Personally, I blame Etsy for this. If it wasn't for that site, aqua wouldn't be such a big part of my life. Neither would birds or little doodads that make me squeal.
Garett's grandma had some of the coolest Christmas loot--including these awesome Santa candlesticks.
Don't miss the creepin' Santa head in the background.
Why do so many Santas look like Rummys?
I caught this grumpy cat under my Kitchen tree, or perhaps it should be called a Kitschen tree.
I've covered it in Norman Rockwell ornaments, teapot lights and sugarcube garland with the most adorablest button and corduroy tree skirt that ever lived.
That is, until the cats destroy it.
Christmastime is here. So that means its time for me to make a concerted effort to be a little nicer and be a little bit more human. Bill Murray will tell you all about it.
Mr. Obama has been re-elected as the President of the United States of America, and it's too late to talk about all of the superbly wonderful ways that Mittens would've waved a wand over this country and transformed it to the land of ever-flowing cash and rich, white people as your boss as far as the eye can see.
If social media is an indicator of the level of fucked that we are as a "United Nation," then I'd set that dial to, "totally." Concern for one has given way to lots of selfish bickering, finger-pointing, bible-thumping and conspiracy theories (like, FEMA's putting stickers on your mailboxes and we're all getting put in work camps conspiracies. Oh the humanity!).
It reminds me of a little ditty written by David Gray:
Wishing that something would happen
A change in this place
'cos I'm tearing off the fancy wrapping
Find an empty package
Take for a while
Your trumpet from your lip
Loosen your hold loosen your grip
On your old ways
That have fallen out of step
In a changing time
Hoist a new flag
Hoist a new flag
Angry sun burn down
Judging us all
Guilty of neglect and disrespect
And thinking small
And death by boredom
And death by greed
If we can't stop taking
More than we need
But across the fractured landscape
I see the same things
Tired ideas
Birds without wings
[ Lyrics from:
And these are just thoughts
Of lack lustre times
I've no interest
In excuses you can find
Like you've had a hard day
Now you're too tired to care
Now you're too tired to care
You've had a hard day
Well across the fractured landscape
I see the same things
Tired ideas broken values
Many with the notion
That to share is to lose
A hollow people bound by a lack
Of imagination and too much looking back
Without the courage to give a new thing a chance
Grounded by this ignorance
(and the cat comes)
We're just,
Birds without wings
We are a nation that has been transformed based upon the notion that, "to share is to lose," even though we grew strong as a nation with government programs like, "The New Deal's" three Rs (Relief, Recovery and Reform) and fiscal conservatism. Nationally, we're paying the middle class less, buy bigger things and putting up with a budget that would tank any household. We want to let the rich pay less taxes, and then we wonder why the deficit is so large.
This reminds me of another, by David Gray:
I beg to differ
To break the chain
To draw a line right through
Tomorrow
And cancel every claim
I've seen reflections
Beneath my skin
And drums beating for battle
In the eyes of children
And turning it over
Right down
Where the eye don't see no colour
Where the war don't make a sound
Ice on the shoulder
Noel
Praise the lord above
And sell sell sell
Oh violent flowers
You fill the screen
Betray your mother
And change your name
So tall and fickle
And blind as snow
Running headfirst for oblivion
Cause you've nowhere else to go
And turning it over
Right down
Where the eye don't see no colour
Where the war don't make a sound
Ice on the shoulder
Noel
Praise the lord above
And sell sell sell
In chill of winter
In dead of night
Each so familiar with the hunger
That they got no appetite
They talk of loving
I hear her say
That as fast as I can give it
He's taking it away
And turning it over
Right down
Where the eye don't see no colour
Where the war don't make a sound
Ice on the shoulder
Noel
Praise the lord above
And sell sell sell
And turning it over
Right down
Where the eye don't see no colour
Where the war don't make a sound
Ice on the shoulder
Noel
Praise the lord above
And sell sell sell
A weeping willow
The desert wind
So many learn to swallow
So few to understand
The deepest longing
This cup of faith
Where to put them in a world
Where no innocence is safe
If we don't, "beg to differ and break the chain," of hatred, greed and intolerance to usher in a new way to comprise, then we're all as doomed as the red-dotted mailbox dweller.
This is my last political post. I mean it. This is it. I've bordered on the edge of a liberal-leaning moderate making snide jokes about how
Mrs. Mitt Romney (she doesn't need a name. I mean, hell, she doesn't even need
the right to decide what she wants to do with her body) hasn't worked a day in
her life and Mitt Romney wouldn't know a middle-class person if they came up and
smacked him in the face (which I would be willing to do, repeatedly). I've openly admitted that I’m disappointed in the President that filled the country
with hyperbole about change and patriotism and fairness but really failed to
incite the change in the governing body of the people that elected him. I’m
tired of living in a country that can’t get over the fact that our President is
black, and I’m ashamed to admit that it took a very real and very blatant act
of racism for me to believe it. I’m tired of middle-class white people thinking
that their only hope is the tea party, when they don’t even come close to
realizing what their platform means for someone that lives exactly like they
do. I’m tired of a bi-partisan system being the status-quo because everyone is
too stupid, too afraid or too apathetic to really care about the people that
are being paid to represent us while we slave away at meaningless jobs and pay
taxes that manage their pension funds and tax breaks for the one-percent of the
population that can afford it. I’m ashamed that I fall into that apathetic
category.
I’m terrified that tomorrow could be the beginning of four
years of what is already an insurmountable national debt being that much harder
to pay off. That forty-seven percent of the population will be treated like
scum: Granddads that need Medicare or
single mothers that need daycare assistance to work and go to school to better
their lives. I’m terrified that the next four years will be exactly like the
last that were full of snide bickering, racism and personal attacks. I’m afraid
that American Conservatives are blaming American Liberals when the real blame
is on the hundreds of men and women that refuse to comprise to make this
country whole. Unity has no room for partisan politics, so I’m confused as why
we are all so willing to put up with it?
Personally, I’m terrified that as hard as I work now, it
will never be hard enough to reach a place where I can retire and to everything
that I've ever wanted to do—like visit Ireland or The Cotswolds or anywhere
else that I've ever wanted to go, but couldn't afford to do it. I’m terrified
that at thirty, I've invested a lifetime worth of debt into an education that’s
provided a lifetime worth of hassle, because I don’t know somebody that knows
somebody that has, “an in.” I’m terrified that if one more person tells me that
the reason that I don’t have what I want is because I don’t work hard enough,
that I will stop trying completely.
Mostly, I’m afraid of voting Americans. I’m afraid that they
vote without their heads. They vote for themselves and not for America as a
nation. They vote thinking that they live in the greatest country in the world
(in what category, I have no idea), but they vote for people that want to cut
funding for Public Broadcasting and Education.
If you lived in the one-man country of “Peter Smith,” or” John Van Dyke,”
or, “ Amy Schneider,” voting for your
agenda and your religion and your pocketbook would be a worthy vote, but we don’t.
We are the United States of America and with that comes the great
responsibility to vote for those people that are United under one flag. People that
should be allowed to love and marry who they choose, should be able to make
choices about their reproductive health and should be able to reach out for
help when they need it, without fear of repercussion.
When you’re voting tomorrow, you’re casting a vote for
yourself, but you’re also casting a vote that affects every single person that you've ever locked eyes with on the street, every person that you've ever stood
next to in an elevator, every child that will be forced to live with the choices
that we have made as adults in 2012. Many people talk about how this is a right
as a legal American citizen (and thusly want to remove this right from those
that may not have the appropriate paperwork, but contribute to this country
with the same ferocity as any other citizen). Many people talk about how it is
a privilege to vote. I feel tremendous burden of this vote. The importance
weighs on me greatly and pushes the apathy to the breaking-point of Patriotism,
of connectedness to my fellow Americans, to pride. That is probably the most
terrifying feeling of all. The transformation to someone that cares. God, I
hope you can feel it, too.
